Portal

My dad read every blog I ever wrote. He’d call or email me about each one. It kept us close across a vast distance like no phone call could ever do. Blogging felt like a portal into a never ending conversation with my dad. I could write things here that just never felt like the right time to say. So, Dad, as I miss you tonight, I send this out into the world wishing you could read it.

My tears feel endless. The nights are the worst. My busy day is over and reality comes crashing in again. What would I say if I could? I’d say that we all love you so much. We love you so much that it makes it so hard to understand why now was your time to leave. It feels like the party was just getting started. It feels like the memories of a lifetime were on a roll.

Why? I keep asking why. This is the unanswered question that will haunt me the rest of my life.

This is the single biggest devastation of my life so far. I am filled with so much uncertainty and regret. There are so many little conversations I’d wish we’d had. There are so many times I put off picking up the phone. I regret most of all how short of a time Evelyne knew you. She needs her Grandpa Larry. I loved seeing you two together. It made me melt.

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